Sucide? Please help! Some ones life is in danger!?

Okay. Last year (Novembersish) I found out that one of my best friends were cutting. And these were not thin little knife marks they were very large and looked as if she were trying to skin her self. Soon I became very worried about her as she was showing many depression symptoms, so I decided to tell my school consoler before she ended up dieing. Soon she was enrolled in consoling. She seemed to be getting better (she was not taking any medicine accept Conserta for ADHD). But just about two weeks she confined to me that she was getting worse. She had been cutting her self again and she is talking about wanting to die, about how she deserves to die and all of that stuff. It seems for most of my life I have been surrounded my people that have wanted to die; my mother, my brother, numores friends and even myself. I am starting to have panic attacks and severe anxiety. Both my friend and me have strained relationships with our family. She seems to feel guilty, she talks about how she is making every one sad how it is her fault I am all ways worried (which I have told over and over again that it is not her fault, and if she were dead it would much, much worse). She has a very low self-esteem. She says that she barley sleeps at night and her grades or very bad, even though I know that she can do better. I am afraid that this is getting beyond my control.
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What should I do? We are both only 13. One of her very close friend is all ready in the Psyche word for wanting to kill her self and she is scared that if she tells her therapist (who is the therapist of her friends all so) will think that she is just doing if for attention, or that her friend will blame her self for what is happening to her. I am very worried; I really do think that she wants to die. What should I do? Please respond promptly, I am not sure how much time I have left. Feel free to ask any question that my help you provide a better answer

I think that you should try spending more time with her. Let her know that it's not her fault for how she's feeling. A lot of time teenages at your age have it very rough due to family issues, hormones, society, school, and that's just to name a few. I've been there where I feel so hopeless and sorry for myself. I didn't even want to live anymore. It really helps when a friend can be there for you, you two can help each other out. Let her k now how much it would hurt others if she killed herself and in that fact she would only be selfish. Let her know that you care about her, that the two of you can get through this together. You two can take walks at the park and talk...it's really refreshing and can make you two feel better. Remember not to blame yourself also, get more help if you can. She's lucky to have a great friend like you in her life.

There isn't anything you can do. If she really is that bad and you think she is hurting herself or going to try to kill herself you need to tell someone, like her couselor. If they put her in a psyche hospital, that might be the only way to help her. It would be better than doing nothing at all. But whatever she does, it's not your fault. You can't make her do or not do anything she decides to do or not do. You just can't.

WOW.

You have a lot to deal with. Let me see if I can be of any help.

First there is often a HUGE difference between what really is and what we see things as. I say this because my family has a genetic predispostion to depression. When you said "It seems for most of my life I have been surrounded my people that have wanted to die; my mother, my brother, numores friends and even myself" It made me think you might too. This means that we don't make as much dopamine (or whatever) in our brains, so we are CHEMICALLY likely to get depressed, and once we are depressed things LOOK worse than they are. Now people tend to react to how they see things are, rather than how they really are. Then they react in ways that MAKE things worse for real, then they see this as worse than it really is, and the cycle continues.

How you see things is important. There is a famious story about President Herbert Hoover like this. When he was a young man he moved out to west and over the course of a couple of years he made a fortune as a mining engineer. He did this while back east there was a huge financial panic and a big depression and everyone was going broke and bankrupt. When he got home people asked "How did you make a fortune in the middle of this huge financial disaster when everyone else was going broke?" Hoover said "I was out in the middle of nowhere. I didn't get the newspapers. I know there was a depression on, so I went ahead and got rich." Nobody told Hoover that the economy was falling apart, so he didn't react to it falling apart; and instead of reacting with despair and panic he worked ahead with confidence and got rich.

So I have to remind myself that because of the way my brain is wired I tend to see things worse than they really are. I can't trust my brain. Just as I need glasses for my eyes, I need to filter my brain. I just have to remind myself that things normally aren't as bad as I think they are, and I can't let myself react to them as if they were that bad. It sounds like you might have the same problem.

Second, suicide is stupid. I mean I understand it; like I said I tend to see things a worse than they are, so it crosses my mind on occasion too. Sometimes farily often. Still it is stupid. I had a friend in law school who killed himself. His dad was putting a ton of pressure on him to do well in school (Dad was a big lawyer) and his grades stunk and one of the girls in class had done a really brutial dump on him, and he just went out one day before second semester exams and shot himself. That was about 13 years ago. Every so often I think of him and think how stupid that was. Today he would be married, have a couple of kids, and maybe he would be a lawyer and maybe he wouldn't, but how good his grades had been second semester of law school wouldn't matter one whit; and the really pretty girl that dumped him, I haven't seen her in 12 years, and I don't think anyone in the class has seen her in a long time either. If he had wanted to get away from his Dad for a while I would have been glad to let him sleep on my floor for a while. None of the problems he had then would matter one bit now. His death was a stupid waste. When I think of him, (and every few months I do) I miss him, but I still think he was stupid. Bottom line, nothing is worth killing yourself for.

Third, it sounds like you and yours could probably use a trip to a good church.

Now you have to be careful about this. My Dad had depression and psychological problems, but he was from the generation that didn' t want to go to a shrink, so he just prayed about it. Alot. For years. And it didn't really do any good from what I saw, except that it made me loose a lot of respect for both him and our religion. Finally he had a nervious breakdown and went to therapy and was much happier and much easier to live with. Religion is not something that should just take the place of psychotherapy. That is sort of like using your screwdriver to hammer in nails. They both have their place, but they have different uses.

That being said, religion isn't something you should just ignore either. Just because hammers aren't very good at driving screws doesn't mean they don't have their uses. Humans are made up of body, mind, and spirit. You can't just neglect one of those three and not expect it to cause problems with the other two. Religion helps me a lot; for no other reason than I know that I am more than just my life here. I have an eternal life as a child of Jesus Christ. I know that He died for my sins, and He loves me. Now if the God that created the entire fracking Universe loves me enough that He would die for me... well it's hard to convince me that I am without value. It doesn't really matter what my teachers, parents, coaches or therapsist says...GOD outranks all of them, and HE says that I have value in His eyes. So yeah, maybe my teachers, friends, coaches, parents, counsleors, etc. all think I'm a total frackup... well so what? THEY can't create a universe out of nothing, or walk on water, or heal the blind, or raise the dead... and the guy that CAN do that thinks I'm a wonderful, loved, child of His and loves me so much He died for me, and has promised to forgive ANYTHING I sincerely ask him to forgive me for. Knowing that is a HUGE help to me at times.

So, since you said you already have a therapsit and are talking with a school counselor, I'm going to recomend that you go find yourself a good Church. One with a good youth group. Oh yeah, church youth groups are "uncool" yada yada yada. It's better to be alive and happy and uncool than where you are right now....right? Besides they serve an important purpose. They give you a set of friends that isn't part of your school or home. When school gets to be a source of pressure, and home and parents are a source of pressure, if all you have is school and home then you don't have anywhere else to turn that is not part of the problem, you don't have anyone outside of home/school to talk to. Church Groups give you that other set of friends to go to and get support from. That can be a vital thing for a teen.

I'm guessing that you may not be from a family that goes to church. You may not know which church to go to. It is important to pick one that you are comfortable with. I can't tell you which one to go to. I can recomend a good quiz that might help you out.

http://www.beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

http://www.beliefnet.com/features/searchforjesus/quiz.asp

might help you out.

You don't say where you are from, but I can tell you that in my personal experience I have found the "mega churches" to be welcoming and to have tons of people willing to help anybody who asks out. They have new folks coming in all the time and there isn't a problem they haven't seen before. This doesn't mean smaller churches can't be just as good. One on one counseling with a priest, minister, or rabbi can be just as good, and there probably isn't anything they haven't seen before either.

So hang in there. don't give up, pray, and see if you can swing by a church on Sunday. It's Easter. They will all be open.

Good luck and God bless

Don't get too involved! The same exact situation happened to me. I am 13 too. My friend ended up trying to kill me! Just tell the counselor and be careful.

You have to do something immediately. This is no one's fault. Depression can be an illness, and like other illnesses, it can be terminal (ending in suicide). That is no one's fault, just like you can't just will yourself to be better of cancer. You need to contact her parents. If they won't do anything, talk to a school counselor. If they won't do anything, then call 911. There has to be something done, and it is great that your friend trusts you enough to talk to you. I went through this myself, and I still have the scars on my arms. I attempted suicide, and if it hadn't been for my good friends intervening, I would not be here. I was mad at them at first, but know I understand that they really loved me. So, tell as many people as you have to to get her help.

Do her parents know? If her parents know maybe they can give her some extra attention to show they care. They could gradually give her counseling with kids that feel the same way. Make everything you do around her positive give, her something to look forward to everyday. Don't talk about negative things, try and find counseling groups, rather than something that is one on one. If possible go with her and give her your support. Hope this helps, best of luck.

Maybe you should talk to her, and tell her how much you're worried about her. As a self-harmer, I like to know when people care. You should tell her that there is no such thing as self-harm because it not only hurts her, but it also hurts everyone around her. You also should make a list of as many things possible of why she shouldn't die. Make her want to live.

Well I have the same suicidal tendancies and my counsler is putting me a sedative try it it might help and tell ur friend to write her feelings in a journel i have been and it's helping though i still want to die i stopped trying suicide.

It sounds like you have taken appropriate steps to help her. Make sure she knows how serious suicide can be, people have no idea what it does to the people around them. Let her know how much you care about her. Strained family relationships can be very difficult to live with. It is so important to try to work things out with your family, but I know how immpossible that can be. She wants help which is the most important thing, no counselor is going to think she is just wanting attention. Pray about it.

be forceful with her tell her she has to make a decision right now... tell her that either she tells the guidance councilor at ur school or u do., tell her it would be to painful to lose her and that u cant imagine life without your best friend and she needs help., then if she refuses to get help you have to tell the councilor. Bring in another friend with you. for support...

u have to do something if u don't and something happens u would feel so guilty... as a friend u have to be there for her.

Even at 60 I feel your pain and I have given my answer some thought.
I read a book called Toxic Parents. It really opened my eyes. Another book was called When Parents Love Too Much.

The titles are very telling on their own.

"You kids are not getting healthy attention from two nurturing parents". That is the source of your discontent.

Form your own group therapy. Find a therapist to guide you all to finding your inner child. It will be a very gratifying experience learning about yourself. You will end up wise beyond your years.

Somebody out here loves you unconditionally. There aren't that many, surely none in your circle.

"Critcism is a reflection of oneself". When people talk mean to you, they have a big problem. Let it go over your head while thinking what the person must look like naked. It will keep you objective.

Sweetie...you know how serious this really is. You are very brave and by trying to find help, even here, you are very brave and a wonderful friend. You MUST go to her parents. If they won't listen to you then go to her grandparents. Tell your parents, too. Sometimes you just have to make adults stop and listen to you...It is the very best thing you could ever do. You may have to find another adult, one of the counselors, to speak to her parents. This is a very confusing time for kids, thirteen is a hard age, but you and your friend will get through this. You also have to breathe!!! It is going to be ok...what a good friend you are. My love and prayers are with you both. If you need to talk, e-mail me.

Get an adult involved immediatly. You'r friend may not like you for it and may get mad but its better than her being dead. Trust me I had a friend who did cut her self and i told her parents and they took her to a hospital place. She hated me and we didn't talk for such a long time and then one day i got a letter in the mail thanking me for telling and thanking me for breaking a promise i made not to tell. You have to tell her parents; its worth it.

1.) HER: Advise her to put a rubber band around her wrist, stretch and release, when she feels the need to cut, or hold an ice cube in both hands, and grasp, or try journalling her feelings, drawing or painting herself (red is a popular color), or cutting a favorite doll or soft toy, feeling its pain, and then stitching it up, or bandaging it. Longer term, set a goal of going for a while without cutting, or doing anything about it, although she may really want to, then, the next day, a little longer, and so on. The longer she goes, the more she becomes aware of the fundamental reasons why she cuts, and the easier it gets. Get rid what she uses to cut, as it may become a comforting ritual: it also buys time to think about alternatives. Take a zinc supplement, and 4 Omega 3 fish oil supplements daily. See http://www.coolnurse.com (.com/self_esteem3.htm) Phone 1800 dont cut, or the 24 hr. crisis hotline on 1800 329 7227 See http://www.selfinjury.com/ & http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/ (/psych/injury.htm). 1800 suicide, or (714)NEW TEEN See http://teenline.org/ or http://www.lollie.com/ (.com/bluesuicide3.html) 2.) YOU: Panic: breathe in to the count of 8, hold to the count of 4, exhale to the count of 8; repeat 3 or 4 times, or practice the method at http://deeplyrelax.com or breathe into a paper bag for 10 - 15 seconds, try them all, use whichever works best for you. Take 4 fish oil supplements daily. Nettle tea, with honey, but no milk. No coffee or caffeine products (Excedrin, Coke, tea, chocolate), but Ecco or Caro, chamomile or seven blossoms tea , decaffeinated Pepsi, and Carob based chocolate substitutes are all OK. See http://anxietypanic.com (.com/signs.html) 3.) BOTH OF YOU: Practice for 15 - 20 mins daily, and when needed, the mindfulness breathing method at http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/ or gaze at a burning candle in a quiet, darkened room for 20 mins. Both get best results from morning, afternoon, and evening use. Exercise vigorously for 30 - 60 mins daily, and eat healthily. Tai Chi and yoga suit some (http://www.yogasite.com) You should both see a doctor, soon! Write all this down, or print. Get back to her, now, with this information, then start on it yourself.

No question about it. Get an adult involved. Her parents, the school counselor, police. If you don't then if something happens, you will always remember that you knew before it happened and could have done something.

Call her parents IMMEDIATELLY!!!!!!!!!!

If her parents won't listen, call 911. They legally have to take her in for an evaluation.

Don't worry about if she's going to hate you or be mad at you, her life is what matters right now.

First of all, it is great that you want to be there for your friend, but this has gotten way too big for either of you to handle on your own. Her parents need to be made aware of this as soon as possible. If you are worried about her getting upset with you for telling her parents, don't worry... she will one day thank you.

If, for some reason, you can't tell her parents, you need to tell your parents, and you need to tell your friend to seek treatment right away. Going to a psychiatric ward is always a possiblity, but it may end up saving her life in the end. It really is a small price to pay. In the grand scheme of things, a few days in the hospital is not much and yet it could make all the difference in the world. With the severity of her cutting behavior combined with her verbalized desire to end her life, this young lady is at a terrible risk!

If possible, get her to an emergency room. Have her call a hotline and speak to someone who can help her put things into perspective and possibly better advise her of her options. 1-800-273-TALK is one good place to call.

Best of luck to you and to your friend!

***ALSO***
Tell your friend not to worry about what the therapist may think. All mental health professionals know to take suicidal ideation very seriously! No one would ever tell your friend that she just wants attention. They will take her seriously and will help her!

Please call her parents right NOW. You will feel bad for calling BUT you would feel very bad if she is not here tomorrow.. I think she is reaching out to you because you got her help before.

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