leafs1318
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Some people might be uncomfortable as they feel they might say the wrong thing and upset you. Try and make them understand you want to spend your time with them or find out why they are avoiding you. |
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C S
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Sorry to hear that........
Yes, you would expect them to spend as much time with you as possible, but the thought of losing you is killing them, they probably just preparing themselves, but in the process its hurting you, im sure they dont mean to but as tough as it is for you it is for them...........
I wish you all the best and you will be in my prayers.
Take care. |
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Char
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It's so hard to know what to say.
When they see you all they can think of is being without you and how much that will hurt.
I wish you all the best. |
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Big D
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Well, the best answer I can give you is this: fear.
Everyone fears the unknown, and there's nothing more unknown than the Grim Reaper.
Your family and friends are probably scared not of you, but what to SAY to you or DO around you. They are literally at a loss for words and/or actions to console you.
Perhaps, your family and friends are being subconsciously selfish. In other words, they do not want to deal with the emotional and/or physical demands of dealing with someone in your situation, so as a solution, they avoid you instead. Try putting yourself in their shoes. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, but some people are stronger than others and are comfortable dealing with a dying relative/friend, while some people simply cannot or will not deal with a crisis like that on an emotional or physical level.
There is a chance that your so-called friends weren't your real friends to begin with since they aren't there for you in your greatest time of need. Family, also, can be notorious for letting one down ("You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family!" as the saying goes).
Try to focus on positive and helpful people and things in your life that make you happy. If you dwell on why so many people have let you down, the cancer will have spread to your soul as well.
Good luck. |
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cam
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I will take a wild stab at this, my best guess is it's because they don't know what to say or how to act so they find it easier to just avoid the situation. |
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organic gardener
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Sometimes people can't accept the fact that someone they care about is going to die. They just don't know how to say the things that they want to. I'm sure that they love you very much. Talk to them about it. Call each one up and tell them that you want to spend time with them. I hope this helps. |
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knittinmama
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Please encourage your family to do some research on cancer. The best place to start is the American Cancer Society. Also ask your doctor about support groups, that will work with your and your family & friends
Cancer affects the entire family and sometimes we don't know how to talk about it. When my sister was diagnosed 13 years ago, with 6 children at home, I thought she was going to die. Then my dad got colon cancer and I was diagnosed 2 years ago. When I was almost finished with chemo my sister-in-law was diagnosed (I bawled).
If you want someone to talk with, just contact me. |
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Zelda Hunter
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That's awful.
Did you ask any of them why they are doing that? Maybe they are not really conscious of their neglect, or maybe they feel helpless, because they are unable to cure you. If you try to get just one person from your family or a close friend to admit this and give a voice to his or her grief and frustration, then things might improve.
Your cancer is a reminder that we will all die sooner or later and they are uncomfortable with that reality. If you can get someone to acknowledge their feelings of helplessness and despair over this, you could ask them gently to just spend some time with you. I know I would try if you were close to me. |
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~blessss♫☼ ♪♥ ☼ ♠♫ ♣☺☻
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My sister was diagnosed with MS... I just wanna get closer and closer to her... it is possible that they don't know what to say to you, or what you might expect from them during this difficult time. For example should they think it appropriate to laugh and be happy when you are going through this? Should they cry with you? Both? I suggest telling them all how you feel so the pressure's off and you guys can start bonding again. A family that prays together stays together. Pray for yourself and for them =) Ask them to pray with you against the sickness as well. I command that spirit of sickness to LOOSE you in the mightier name of Jesus! I say that the cancer has stopped in it's tracks and is now degressing back down to nothing! I plead the blood of Jesus over my family and yours. I post God's holy angels around your home to protect you. I ask the Holy Spirit's peace to fill your home! Amen. (anyone that reads this, say amen!) |
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crumcake422
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Your friends and family do not know what to say. They are afraid they might upset you by talking about it or by not speaking about it. You need to tell them you want to see them and spend time with them. My husband just passed from cancer and we had cook outs and went and visited people and went everywhere he wanted to go while he was able. Then when he could no longer leave the house we still had friends over. I hope this helps and I will be thinking of you. |
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Joe K
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People will generally shy away from people who are expected to die soon simply because they would feel obligated to do something about it. After all, who would deny a dying person's last request? Well it may not be the last request but I am sure that nobody wants to be that person who said "no" right before you went.
I have had other relatives to unexpectedly die only to later learn that they were battling cancer. It is a good thing that they never told anyone. I am sure that we probably would have acted the same way towards them. |
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iluvsunsets
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In 2001 my mom was given 3 months to live from her cancer.We were told this 3 days before Mothers Day.I was so scared and in a state of denial that I could hardly stand it.They probably do not know what to say to you.I was so depressed I couldnt stand to be at her house at first.It made me sad and cry every time I was around her.I know Hospice has people that will come out for counseling.They tried to make it better but that didnt help either.She passed away 1 month later and I regret not being there every last second of her life.Please communicate with all of them and tell them exactly how you are feeling.THEY ARE SCARED. |
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Jeffrey S
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They don't know what to say and are uncomfortable around you. They want to be able to offer you hope and strength, but may be afraid they will breakdown and make you feel worse. You should take the initiative if any of them are important to you. |
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paula p
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my partner has cancer of the bone, he is on kemo at the moment and no one avoids us they could nt be more helpful.
its a sad time for us and he is coping well with it, unfortunately I'm not coping that well, but that's life. |
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*babydoll*
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Fear. Some people might actually be avoiding for other reasons, but I'll bet you they're afraid because they can't help you and it hurts to see you in pain. I'm sorry. I'm sure they'll straighten up soon. |
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sunshine
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They do not know how to broach the subject for fear of saying the wrong thing. I had the same problem. When I started the discussion , without emotion,
they felt comfortable around me. Don't overdo any discussion of your illness and make them comfortable to be around you. Let family and friends know how you feel and how much you need their comfort and support. |
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David
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Simple; people are terrified of death.
That is why when someone sees a dead body, such as a shooting victim, they avoid it like it is radioactive.
Sorry about your sickness. Join a support group of people with similar illnesses. No one should go thru life alone, no matter how long they have to live.
Something to think about; no one knows how long they have to live. You can walk out your door right now, and get hit by lightning. You have to live each day the best you can. |
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Suet
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you have a weird family that cannot come to terms with loss and pain . they probably never talk about important things and have many secrets. join a support group and drag the essential family memebers with you.
that totally sux. |
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charwants2know
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first, i am very sorry to hear of your situation. although, we don't know each other... i will keep you in my prayers!
my sister was diagnosed with bone cancer, but they were able to remove the cancerous portion in time. of all the people in our family, it was her husband and my brother who avoided her. now after the fact, they admit it was because they honestly didn't know what to say or how to deal with it and the fact that things could get worst. not for any idiotic reasons like they think they could catch it or whatever... but simply because they are at a loss for words.
you need a strong support system, tell your family and your friends how you are feeling... maybe they are unaware how this is affecting you more than they know.
there are miracles in life... i really believe that. be strong and believe... god bless you. |
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callmecam2
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As someone who lost an aunt to breast cancer, it is very difficult for people to face the death of someone they love. You want them to live forever and don't want to think about losing them. There is a huge range of emotions that sometimes seems impossible to sort through. And, how do you talk about death? We talk about everything else, it seems, but people lack the experience/knowledge in how to discuss death with a loved one. They're avoiding you because they don't know what to do. They KNOW they should be spending time with you but don't know how. You need to help them. With my aunt, she simply talked about it. It was what it was, no one could change it, and SHE hadn't changed as the PERSON we loved . . . the only thing that changed was the fact we all had to face her mortality. She talked candidly about how it made her feel. In doing so, it turned out to be how WE felt, and that helped break through the barrier. As weird as it sounds, YOU need to reach out to your friends and family and help THEM. Talk openly, tell them you need them, and talk honestly. Your time is finite. Tell them you need them as part of that time. I wish you luck. |
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The Prince
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Not to sound mean or insensitive, but I don't know what kind of a family do you have.
I personally know of three cancer patients. One was family who is dead now. The other two are close friends, one of whom is in a desperate condition and the other however seems to be on a road to recovery. We (and everybody else I know) spent as much time with them as possible and we still do. Their own families never leave their side. In fact, one of them has been brought home because her family believes that they can better take care of her then the hospital.
This is the kind of thing that pisses me off, such ignorance and stupidity. Cancer is not something you can get just by proximity. It is not contagious and it is not airborne or something. The only reason not to see a cancer patient would be if the doctors specifically quarantine them and order no visitors. What kind of family avoids you when you need them the most?
I truly am sorry and I do sincerely hope that things become better for you. Don't give up and do not loose your will to live. Miracles do still happen. |
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banjuja58
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They're uncomfortable because they don't know what to say to you. Try to spread the word that you would really like to have visitors or phone calls. Peace to you. |
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♣
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I'm so sorry. If you were in my family, we'd never leave your side. Before my grandpa died of lung cancer, everyone rotated taking a week or two off of work to go on vacation with him. He loved it. Towards the end, we visited him every night. and the whole family sang his favorite song as he passed.
I would be there for you. Your family sounds scared. tell them your concerns. |
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Jill
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Maybe they dont know what to do or say... my thoughts go out to you! |
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Shaun M
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I don't know if they are really avoiding you because of the cancer or because they just don't know what to say. It's a hard one, that's for sure. Maybe if you sent an email to a group and said, "just to put you at ease, it's OK to talk about what's going on with me. Ask questions, that's good, it shows you care and lets me share what's going on. Don't feel like you have to tell me that you're sorry. I'm sorry too. But don't be afraid to talk to me. I need to talk about this. There are no dumb questions. The more we talk, the more we understand."
Maybe that would help. Good luck! My mom is a 6 year breast cancer survivor and a good friend just found out that his 7 year old daughter has come out of remission after having a brain tumor. I'll say a prayer for you and your friends tonight. |
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Ken
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I'm sorry for the position that you are in. It must be very tough to be going through that and not have the kind of support that you would like from your family. My dad died of skin cancer 3 1/2 years ago, and I avoided him because I had such a hard time seeing him like that. When he was given less than a week to live I didn't fly back to see him because I was immature and scared. Not a day goes by that I don't regret it. Remember that those people probably have their reasons, but they love you very much. I wish you luck and peace. |
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Q~T
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I had a friend that had terminal cancer. We were very hurt and upset when we found out, because we love him so much. We knew he had to go through chemotherapy. So we didn't know what to do. We didn't want to bother him we thought he would be too tired to visit. When ever we did visit he didn't look well at all. We felt so sorry for him, but couldn't find the words to express what we wanted to say. It's hard to loose someone you love. Maybe you should call your family and friends and express to them how important they are to you. Tell them that you love them and you would like to spend some quality time with them; because you don't know when your last day on this earth may be. |
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Steelr
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To start with, I'm sorry for the diagnosis, my prayers are with you.
Onto the question...unfortunately people see terminal diseases at face value, they dont take into account that you are still a viable human being with feelings, they still think that it is contagious. They need to do some reading on the subject to learn all they can and to help you through this or at least keep you comfortable in your last 4 months. Knowledge is Power. And on a side note, My cousin was diagnosed with terminal cancer and was given 6 months to live, he was 17 at the time. He is now 31 with a beautiful wife and a great son. I think Doctors throw out months so you can prepare for whatever is to come, its a crap shoot! Good Luck and stay strong..God Bless! |
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jazzzame
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Personally, I think it is because people just don't know what to say or how to act. This happened to a friend of mine when her son died....everyone just deserted her. That or they were very lame in their consolation. I am very sorry you have to go thru all of this, and yes, you would think they would want to be there. But again, I think they feel inadequate and are afraid to be around as they might cry or don't know what to say and make things worse for you. Try not to be upset with them, even though you may feel that way. And maybe you could contact them and show them that you know that it is hard for them and try to make it a positive thing. I wish you the best of luck with both your illness and family/friends! |
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